1
00:00:02,434 --> 00:00:05,604
♪ Thank you for being a friend
2
00:00:05,606 --> 00:00:10,008
♪ Traveled down the road
and back again
3
00:00:10,010 --> 00:00:12,043
♪ Your heart is true
4
00:00:12,045 --> 00:00:16,213
♪ You're a pal and a confidante
5
00:00:16,949 --> 00:00:20,218
♪ And if you threw a party
6
00:00:20,220 --> 00:00:25,557
♪ Invited everyone you knew
7
00:00:25,559 --> 00:00:29,995
♪ You would see the biggest
gift would be from me
8
00:00:29,997 --> 00:00:31,830
♪ And the card attached
would say
9
00:00:31,832 --> 00:00:38,469
♪ "Thank you
for being a friend" ♪
10
00:00:59,659 --> 00:01:01,826
I didn't know you were
good at making malts.
11
00:01:01,828 --> 00:01:03,562
Good? I'm an expert.
12
00:01:03,564 --> 00:01:06,832
Didn't I tell you I worked in a malt
shop when I was in high school?
13
00:01:06,834 --> 00:01:09,734
Soda jerk? No, thanks.
I'll have a malted.
14
00:01:16,341 --> 00:01:17,842
Oh, thanks.
15
00:01:17,844 --> 00:01:20,544
Aren't you gonna have one, Dorothy?
Oh, no.
16
00:01:20,546 --> 00:01:24,282
After you've worked in a malt shop,
the greatest pleasure you can get
17
00:01:24,284 --> 00:01:28,653
is slurping up
what's left in the blender.
18
00:01:28,655 --> 00:01:30,454
(slurps)
19
00:01:32,591 --> 00:01:35,627
Yum. (slurps)
20
00:01:38,564 --> 00:01:40,898
Is it any wonder
I never breast-fed her?
21
00:01:46,372 --> 00:01:49,907
What are you doing out?
I thought you were in your room.
22
00:01:49,909 --> 00:01:52,677
I whittled a gun out of a bar of
soap and overpowered the guards.
23
00:01:52,679 --> 00:01:55,212
I went to the mini-mall.
24
00:01:55,214 --> 00:01:58,383
They opened a Little Slice
of Sicily pizzeria.
25
00:01:58,385 --> 00:02:01,553
So I walk in, and this guy strikes
up a conversation with me.
26
00:02:01,555 --> 00:02:05,056
Turns out he owns the chain and
wants me to be in a commercial.
27
00:02:05,058 --> 00:02:07,325
Sophia, that's amazing!
I'll say.
28
00:02:07,327 --> 00:02:11,395
It's rare you find anybody in a
mini-mall who even speaks English.
29
00:02:15,634 --> 00:02:19,738
OK. OK, Ma. Where are you
going to shoot this commercial?
30
00:02:19,740 --> 00:02:22,373
Well, we discussed
many exotic locations,
31
00:02:22,375 --> 00:02:24,543
and we settled on...
right here.
32
00:02:24,545 --> 00:02:27,812
Oh, now hold on.
I don't want a TV crew coming in here,
33
00:02:27,814 --> 00:02:31,115
messing up my kitchen, setting
up all that video equipment.
34
00:02:31,117 --> 00:02:33,351
How about shooting it
in your bedroom, Blanche?
35
00:02:33,353 --> 00:02:36,354
The equipment's already set up.
36
00:02:42,261 --> 00:02:46,798
Blanche, I don't think you're gonna have to worry.
It's not gonna happen.
37
00:02:46,800 --> 00:02:49,467
Has anybody seen
a small bottle of pills?
38
00:02:49,469 --> 00:02:53,104
Brown bottle, Patton's pharmacy label,
your name on the prescription?
39
00:02:53,106 --> 00:02:55,307
Yeah.
Never saw it.
40
00:02:55,309 --> 00:02:57,108
Ma.
All right.
41
00:02:57,110 --> 00:03:00,979
Yesterday, I was looking for the oregano and
accidentally knocked them into the sink.
42
00:03:00,981 --> 00:03:02,647
I forgot all about it.
43
00:03:02,649 --> 00:03:06,417
Great. Now I won't be able to refill
the prescription till tomorrow.
44
00:03:06,419 --> 00:03:09,287
Tomorrow's a holiday.
Pharmacy's closed.
45
00:03:09,289 --> 00:03:11,322
Maybe I have another bottle
in my room.
46
00:03:11,324 --> 00:03:15,760
I can't understand how you could forget
to tell Rose about that accident.
47
00:03:15,762 --> 00:03:18,663
Forgive me, my memory's
not as good as it used to be.
48
00:03:18,665 --> 00:03:21,866
Nothing on me
is as good as it used to be.
49
00:03:21,868 --> 00:03:25,604
Once upon a time, I had a butt
you could bounce a quarter on.
50
00:03:28,808 --> 00:03:31,542
Now you could lose a Krugerrand
in the creases.
51
00:03:45,290 --> 00:03:48,960
Hello. Oh, I'm sorry, I hope
I'm not interrupting anything.
52
00:03:48,962 --> 00:03:51,095
Dorothy, meet my director
Sy Ferber.
53
00:03:51,097 --> 00:03:53,197
Sy, my daughter Dorothy.
54
00:03:53,199 --> 00:03:54,899
Daughter?
You're kidding.
55
00:03:54,901 --> 00:03:56,767
Sy, I assure you,
I won't be flattered
56
00:03:56,769 --> 00:04:00,071
if you say you thought
she was my sister.
57
00:04:00,073 --> 00:04:02,506
No, no. I just had an idea.
58
00:04:02,508 --> 00:04:05,309
Little Slice of Sicily
is a family restaurant,
59
00:04:05,311 --> 00:04:07,545
and a mother-daughter commercial
would be great.
60
00:04:07,547 --> 00:04:09,547
How'd you like to be in it?
61
00:04:09,549 --> 00:04:14,419
I don't know. I'd have to check my schedule.
You see, I'm a substitute teacher.
62
00:04:14,421 --> 00:04:17,855
Please! So someone else
sets up the driver's-ed cones.
63
00:04:19,825 --> 00:04:21,726
All right, Ma.
64
00:04:21,728 --> 00:04:25,697
Actually, Sy, I'd be delighted to do it.
Beautiful!
65
00:04:25,699 --> 00:04:29,100
Guess what. I'm going to be
in that commercial with Ma.
66
00:04:29,102 --> 00:04:31,435
Dorothy, I told you I don't want
a bunch of strangers
67
00:04:31,437 --> 00:04:33,571
traipsing through my kitchen.
68
00:04:33,573 --> 00:04:35,307
We'll pay you $1,000 a day.
69
00:04:35,309 --> 00:04:37,742
Allow me to give you
the grand tour.
70
00:04:40,479 --> 00:04:42,780
Oh, no, don't come in here.
Everyone out!
71
00:04:42,782 --> 00:04:44,282
What's wrong, Rose?
72
00:04:44,284 --> 00:04:47,418
The slightest noise, and my
humpaflagel cake will fall.
73
00:04:50,222 --> 00:04:53,458
Oh, why, why, why?
74
00:04:53,460 --> 00:04:54,892
Rose!
75
00:04:54,894 --> 00:04:58,195
Honey, calm down.
You could make another cake.
76
00:04:58,197 --> 00:05:00,864
Look, we're gonna
set it up over here.
77
00:05:00,866 --> 00:05:03,634
Dorothy, I'll put you here.
Sophia, I want you...
78
00:05:03,636 --> 00:05:06,471
Excuse me, I'm gonna have to ask you to leave.
I'm very upset.
79
00:05:06,473 --> 00:05:08,506
Rose!
80
00:05:08,508 --> 00:05:10,307
This man is paying me
$1,000 a day
81
00:05:10,309 --> 00:05:12,210
to make a commercial
in my kitchen.
82
00:05:12,212 --> 00:05:14,512
I live here. I've every right
to use this kitchen.
83
00:05:14,514 --> 00:05:17,181
Miss, this'll only
take a second.
84
00:05:17,183 --> 00:05:21,553
It'll only take a second to knock you on
your keister, buddy. What's it gonna be?
85
00:05:21,555 --> 00:05:23,521
Look, if I wanted
this kind of abuse,
86
00:05:23,523 --> 00:05:26,825
I'd be directing
The Roseanne Barr Show.
87
00:05:29,194 --> 00:05:33,264
Oh, but, Sy... Look, the commercial is off.
Just forget it.
88
00:05:33,266 --> 00:05:35,766
Well! Rose, now look
what you did!
89
00:05:35,768 --> 00:05:37,702
I didn't do anything wrong.
90
00:05:37,704 --> 00:05:40,105
Rose, why are you
acting like this?
91
00:05:40,107 --> 00:05:43,841
I don't know what the hell you're talking about.
Get off my damn back!
92
00:05:49,648 --> 00:05:52,083
Dorothy, what time is it?
93
00:05:52,085 --> 00:05:54,185
Uh, 9:30. Why do you ask?
94
00:05:54,187 --> 00:05:56,955
Phyllis Gluckman is giving me
a ride to my acting lesson.
95
00:05:56,957 --> 00:06:00,692
If I'm gonna be in a
commercial, I wanna be good.
96
00:06:00,694 --> 00:06:03,228
What are you talking about?
The commercial is off.
97
00:06:03,230 --> 00:06:05,496
No, it isn't.
I got the director to change his mind.
98
00:06:05,498 --> 00:06:07,832
He's coming back here
to shoot the commercial?
99
00:06:07,834 --> 00:06:10,201
No, he doesn't want to
get anywhere near Rose.
100
00:06:10,203 --> 00:06:13,371
He's gonna shoot it
at his studio.
101
00:06:13,373 --> 00:06:15,373
But if he shoots it
at his studio,
102
00:06:15,375 --> 00:06:18,276
then I get screwed and have
nothing to show for it.
103
00:06:23,048 --> 00:06:25,917
Welcome to show business.
104
00:06:27,653 --> 00:06:28,920
(car horn honks)
105
00:06:28,922 --> 00:06:31,723
Well, goodbye.
106
00:06:31,725 --> 00:06:35,093
Hi, Sophia.
Later.
107
00:06:35,095 --> 00:06:39,197
Hi, girls. Oh, loved meeting
your director friend yesterday.
108
00:06:48,507 --> 00:06:50,241
Rose, are you all right?
109
00:06:50,243 --> 00:06:52,943
Never better.
Why do you ask?
110
00:06:52,945 --> 00:06:55,313
Maybe because yesterday
you acted like a crazy person?
111
00:06:55,315 --> 00:06:57,515
Oh, yeah, I'm sorry.
I was a little on edge.
112
00:06:57,517 --> 00:06:59,617
Don't worry,
it won't happen again.
113
00:06:59,619 --> 00:07:01,386
Rose, what are those pills for?
114
00:07:01,388 --> 00:07:03,721
The doctor prescribed them
when I wrenched my back.
115
00:07:03,723 --> 00:07:06,090
I didn't know
you'd hurt your back.
116
00:07:06,092 --> 00:07:09,894
It's an old farm injury
from St. Olaf.
117
00:07:09,896 --> 00:07:12,363
I'll never forget
when it happened.
118
00:07:12,365 --> 00:07:14,198
It was time to plant the crops,
119
00:07:14,200 --> 00:07:16,700
but after 17 years
of pulling the plow,
120
00:07:16,702 --> 00:07:19,504
poor old Bessie was worn out.
121
00:07:19,506 --> 00:07:21,639
Why didn't you
just get another mule?
122
00:07:21,641 --> 00:07:24,175
Bessie wasn't a mule.
123
00:07:24,177 --> 00:07:27,111
She was a big fat lady who
pulled farm plows for a living.
124
00:07:30,716 --> 00:07:35,253
For God's sake!
What about tractors?
125
00:07:35,255 --> 00:07:36,386
Come on, Blanche.
126
00:07:36,388 --> 00:07:38,422
If she was too old
to pull a plow,
127
00:07:38,424 --> 00:07:40,791
how could she ever
pull a tractor?
128
00:07:45,264 --> 00:07:47,198
Anyway, we had to till
the soil,
129
00:07:47,200 --> 00:07:50,535
so I volunteered to pull the
plow, and I hurt my back.
130
00:07:50,537 --> 00:07:53,271
How long have you been
taking these pills?
131
00:07:53,273 --> 00:07:55,806
I guess around 30 years.
132
00:07:56,675 --> 00:07:58,443
30 years?
133
00:07:58,445 --> 00:08:00,611
Rose, I doubt that
your doctor wanted you
134
00:08:00,613 --> 00:08:03,815
to take those things
for 30 years.
135
00:08:03,817 --> 00:08:06,450
What makes you
such a medical expert?
136
00:08:06,452 --> 00:08:10,154
The doctor prescribed those pills, and
I only take them when I need them.
137
00:08:10,156 --> 00:08:12,222
Have you ever considered
the possibility
138
00:08:12,224 --> 00:08:14,459
that you might
be dependent on them?
139
00:08:14,461 --> 00:08:17,394
Are you calling me an addict?
140
00:08:17,396 --> 00:08:19,731
I really resent that.
141
00:08:19,733 --> 00:08:21,999
You think I can't
do without those?
142
00:08:22,001 --> 00:08:23,534
Here, you take 'em.
143
00:08:23,536 --> 00:08:25,370
Oh, come on, Rose!
144
00:08:25,372 --> 00:08:27,672
No, I insist. Obviously
you don't believe me.
145
00:08:27,674 --> 00:08:31,008
This is the best way
to prove it.
146
00:08:35,447 --> 00:08:37,448
(object breaking)
147
00:08:37,450 --> 00:08:40,451
Rose, what the hell
are you doing?
148
00:08:40,453 --> 00:08:41,953
Oh, I couldn't sleep,
149
00:08:41,955 --> 00:08:45,890
so I decided to rearrange
the kitchen cabinets.
150
00:08:45,892 --> 00:08:49,059
I'm sorry I woke you.
Go on back to bed.
151
00:08:49,061 --> 00:08:52,363
Rose, what are you doing with these?
Nothing.
152
00:08:52,365 --> 00:08:55,066
You were looking for those pills.
Blanche, get rid of them.
153
00:08:55,068 --> 00:08:57,735
You can't do that. They're mine.
Get rid of them.
154
00:08:57,737 --> 00:09:00,605
I thought you said you could
take these or leave 'em.
155
00:09:00,607 --> 00:09:04,475
That's true, and right now,
I wanna take them.
156
00:09:11,417 --> 00:09:15,253
Rose, you can't stop taking these pills.
You have a problem.
157
00:09:15,255 --> 00:09:17,355
I can stop!
158
00:09:17,357 --> 00:09:20,558
And I'll start stopping
tomorrow.
159
00:09:20,560 --> 00:09:24,362
Oh, boy, will you be proud of me.
You just wait.
160
00:09:24,364 --> 00:09:26,531
Only I can't stop tonight.
Why not?
161
00:09:26,533 --> 00:09:29,701
Because...
Because.
162
00:09:29,703 --> 00:09:34,805
Because tonight is the anniversary of
the death of my beloved cat Fluffy.
163
00:09:36,976 --> 00:09:39,377
You have never had cats.
You're allergic.
164
00:09:39,379 --> 00:09:41,546
OK, it's the anniversary
of the death
165
00:09:41,548 --> 00:09:44,849
of my beloved brother Fluffy.
166
00:09:44,851 --> 00:09:47,352
You're gonna have to do
better than that.
167
00:09:47,354 --> 00:09:50,888
Aw, give her some credit.
The woman has never told a lie in her life.
168
00:09:50,890 --> 00:09:54,392
Nobody does it great
the first time.
169
00:09:54,394 --> 00:09:57,595
Look, the truth is...
170
00:09:57,597 --> 00:10:02,333
I can't stop tonight because I'm afraid.
I don't know if I can.
171
00:10:02,335 --> 00:10:05,369
That's because you're
hooked on these, Rose.
172
00:10:05,371 --> 00:10:09,073
But, honey, there's a place for
people with this kind of problem.
173
00:10:09,075 --> 00:10:12,810
Please, what is she gonna do
in the NBA?
174
00:10:17,282 --> 00:10:20,651
Rose, let us call a
rehabilitation center for you.
175
00:10:20,653 --> 00:10:23,688
No, I don't need
one of those places.
176
00:10:23,690 --> 00:10:27,525
I can't go to one of those places.
I'd be too ashamed, too embarrassed.
177
00:10:27,527 --> 00:10:30,928
What is there to be ashamed of?
You have a medical problem.
178
00:10:30,930 --> 00:10:34,699
Was Betty Ford embarrassed?
Was Liza Minnelli embarrassed?
179
00:10:34,701 --> 00:10:37,568
She should have been.
Did you see Arthur 2?
180
00:10:41,272 --> 00:10:44,642
Rose...
you have to do this.
181
00:10:44,644 --> 00:10:48,880
No, I can stop by myself.
I can quit cold turkey.
182
00:10:48,882 --> 00:10:51,048
Cold turkey? After 30 years,
183
00:10:51,050 --> 00:10:54,552
doing it alone without professional
help could be dangerous.
184
00:10:54,554 --> 00:10:57,120
I won't be alone.
I'll be with you.
185
00:10:57,122 --> 00:11:00,324
If you'll just see me through the
night, I know I can lick this.
186
00:11:00,326 --> 00:11:03,594
Come on, what do you say, girls?
Are you in this with me?
187
00:11:03,596 --> 00:11:05,763
You bet we are, honey.
188
00:11:05,765 --> 00:11:07,831
This is what friendship
is all about.
189
00:11:07,833 --> 00:11:10,568
Banding together
when the going gets tough.
190
00:11:10,570 --> 00:11:14,037
Sacrificing sleep
and personal comfort.
191
00:11:14,039 --> 00:11:17,608
Putting someone else's need
ahead of your own.
192
00:11:17,610 --> 00:11:19,844
It's beautiful.
193
00:11:19,846 --> 00:11:22,146
Let me know how it turns out
in the morning.
194
00:11:31,390 --> 00:11:34,725
Think this is gonna work?
I don't know.
195
00:11:34,727 --> 00:11:37,361
We should just go along
with whatever she wants to do.
196
00:11:37,363 --> 00:11:40,498
The important thing
is to keep Rose's mind occupied.
197
00:11:40,500 --> 00:11:44,101
Hey, give me some lipstick.
I'll draw a face on my hand.
198
00:11:44,103 --> 00:11:47,004
What are you doing up?
199
00:11:47,006 --> 00:11:49,173
I've got an hour
till my paper route starts,
200
00:11:49,175 --> 00:11:53,144
so I thought
I'd do some chin-ups.
201
00:11:53,146 --> 00:11:56,380
I was worried about Rose.
I'm a member of this family, too.
202
00:11:56,382 --> 00:11:59,250
I'm sorry. Ma,
that's really very sweet,
203
00:11:59,252 --> 00:12:04,288
considering we have to get up so darn
early tomorrow for that commercial.
204
00:12:04,290 --> 00:12:07,191
I said she was family.
I'd do anything for that girl.
205
00:12:07,193 --> 00:12:10,894
Well, is everybody ready for a
spirited game of Googenspritzer?
206
00:12:13,398 --> 00:12:16,868
Googenspritzer? You said
we were gonna play Monopoly.
207
00:12:16,870 --> 00:12:18,702
I said it was like Monopoly,
208
00:12:18,704 --> 00:12:22,640
only instead of Atlantic City,
they use St. Olaf geography.
209
00:12:22,642 --> 00:12:24,742
Well, I'll be the bank.
210
00:12:24,744 --> 00:12:26,511
Oh, good.
There's the cashbox.
211
00:12:26,513 --> 00:12:29,179
Honey, this is empty.
Oh, I know.
212
00:12:29,181 --> 00:12:33,451
The St. Olaf Bank was one of the
first savings and loans to go under.
213
00:12:35,721 --> 00:12:37,021
Bad management?
214
00:12:37,023 --> 00:12:38,689
Bad contractor.
215
00:12:38,691 --> 00:12:43,561
They built the bank
on marshland, and it sank.
216
00:12:43,563 --> 00:12:45,963
All that was left
were a few deposit slips
217
00:12:45,965 --> 00:12:48,098
and a pen with a chain
attached to it,
218
00:12:48,100 --> 00:12:50,568
floating in the muck.
219
00:12:50,570 --> 00:12:52,503
Amazing.
My story?
220
00:12:52,505 --> 00:12:56,707
No. My patience at this hour!
Can we get on with this?
221
00:12:56,709 --> 00:13:01,645
OK, I'll go first.
222
00:13:01,647 --> 00:13:03,780
(both) Four.
223
00:13:03,782 --> 00:13:07,818
Oh, it says, "Pick a card."
224
00:13:09,021 --> 00:13:12,189
How odd. I can either
buy the library
225
00:13:12,191 --> 00:13:15,559
or the phone booth
in the center of town.
226
00:13:15,561 --> 00:13:17,728
I'll buy the library.
227
00:13:17,730 --> 00:13:20,498
If I were you,
I'd buy the phone booth.
228
00:13:20,500 --> 00:13:23,701
Why?
People use the phone booth.
229
00:13:25,137 --> 00:13:26,336
It's my turn.
230
00:13:28,239 --> 00:13:30,841
Oh, six.
231
00:13:30,843 --> 00:13:36,046
Ha-ha! What luck! I own
Logenbeuton Avenue! Ha-ha.
232
00:13:36,048 --> 00:13:38,149
Game's over, I win.
233
00:13:38,151 --> 00:13:39,416
You win?
234
00:13:41,119 --> 00:13:44,855
Rose, how? You bought
one street in St. Olaf.
235
00:13:44,857 --> 00:13:48,325
I bought the only street
in St. Olaf.
236
00:13:48,327 --> 00:13:51,429
That means I'm gonna tear down
your phone booth.
237
00:13:51,431 --> 00:13:54,565
This is the stupidest game!
I could just...
238
00:13:54,567 --> 00:13:56,200
Dorothy, Dorothy.
239
00:14:00,405 --> 00:14:04,275
I could just play all night.
240
00:14:04,277 --> 00:14:06,443
Set it up again, Rose.
241
00:14:09,847 --> 00:14:12,015
Rose, how about
a piece of Bundt cake?
242
00:14:12,017 --> 00:14:13,350
Oh, no, thanks.
243
00:14:13,352 --> 00:14:16,220
I'll try some, Dorothy.
"Try some."
244
00:14:16,222 --> 00:14:18,589
Right, like it's some
big experiment,
245
00:14:18,591 --> 00:14:22,026
like you got no idea
what it tastes like.
246
00:14:22,028 --> 00:14:25,796
Like you don't shovel it in by
the pound every chance you get.
247
00:14:25,798 --> 00:14:28,165
Ma!
248
00:14:32,971 --> 00:14:35,339
Girls, I really don't
feel very good.
249
00:14:35,341 --> 00:14:37,575
I gave this a shot,
but I can't make it.
250
00:14:37,577 --> 00:14:39,609
Rose, yes, you can.
No, I can't.
251
00:14:39,611 --> 00:14:42,146
I can't, Dorothy!
It's too hard.
252
00:14:42,148 --> 00:14:43,614
I wish you'd all stop acting
253
00:14:43,616 --> 00:14:45,515
like you know what I'm going
through because you don't.
254
00:14:45,517 --> 00:14:47,551
You don't have any idea.
255
00:14:47,553 --> 00:14:49,754
Well, I might not have any idea
what it's like
256
00:14:49,756 --> 00:14:51,722
to feel the kind of dependency
you do,
257
00:14:51,724 --> 00:14:53,957
but there was a time in my life
258
00:14:53,959 --> 00:14:56,827
when I tried
quittin' something.
259
00:14:58,196 --> 00:15:00,965
Blanche, you don't mean...?
260
00:15:00,967 --> 00:15:03,034
Sex, Dorothy.
I tried quittin' sex.
261
00:15:03,036 --> 00:15:05,436
Obviously you fell off
the wagon.
262
00:15:07,406 --> 00:15:10,240
And onto a naval base.
263
00:15:12,444 --> 00:15:14,712
It was just after
I'd lost George,
264
00:15:14,714 --> 00:15:18,215
and it just seemed
an appropriate thing to do.
265
00:15:18,217 --> 00:15:21,418
Of course it did.
Your husband had just died.
266
00:15:21,420 --> 00:15:23,286
So what? I hadn't.
267
00:15:25,324 --> 00:15:27,157
The point is, I was still
feeling a little vulnerable,
268
00:15:27,159 --> 00:15:30,194
and I was afraid if I got intimate
with somebody too quickly,
269
00:15:30,196 --> 00:15:35,066
I might end up getting hurt, so
I just gave it up, cold turkey.
270
00:15:35,068 --> 00:15:37,335
And it worked for you, Blanche?
271
00:15:37,337 --> 00:15:39,937
Well, not entirely.
272
00:15:39,939 --> 00:15:41,939
Barely a month had gone by
273
00:15:41,941 --> 00:15:46,811
before I started feeling those
awful stirrings and urgings.
274
00:15:46,813 --> 00:15:49,446
I was like a
spring-bloomin' peach bud
275
00:15:49,448 --> 00:15:52,983
just ripened to dewy fruition,
276
00:15:52,985 --> 00:15:58,556
waitin' to be plucked by the first
handsome man to come my way.
277
00:15:58,558 --> 00:16:00,757
You were looking for some nooky.
Exactly.
278
00:16:04,229 --> 00:16:07,798
Then came the moment of truth.
279
00:16:07,800 --> 00:16:13,303
There was a man, he asked me
to sleep with him. I said no.
280
00:16:13,305 --> 00:16:15,405
But I knew something greater
than my will power
281
00:16:15,407 --> 00:16:17,441
was necessary for me
to resist him,
282
00:16:17,443 --> 00:16:20,211
so I called my sister.
Did she talk you through it?
283
00:16:20,213 --> 00:16:23,180
Oh, better than that. She drove
straight over, took him by the throat,
284
00:16:23,182 --> 00:16:26,450
said if he ever tried that again,
she'd shoot him through the head.
285
00:16:26,452 --> 00:16:29,720
Just because
he made a pass at you?
286
00:16:29,722 --> 00:16:32,289
Oh, did I forget to mention
287
00:16:32,291 --> 00:16:34,858
that the man
was my sister's husband?
288
00:16:39,163 --> 00:16:41,364
I'm going to bed.
Ma, you can't.
289
00:16:41,366 --> 00:16:45,269
Yes, she can. We're not proving
anything by sitting here any longer.
290
00:16:45,271 --> 00:16:48,605
We might as well all go.
I can't believe I'm hearing this.
291
00:16:48,607 --> 00:16:51,809
Does this mean you're giving up
when you've gotten this far?
292
00:16:51,811 --> 00:16:55,579
No, it means I can see the sun coming
up over the Donaldsons' house.
293
00:16:55,581 --> 00:16:57,882
It's morning. We made it!
She's right.
294
00:16:57,884 --> 00:17:00,951
Oh, that's wonderful!
Oh, congratula -
295
00:17:00,953 --> 00:17:02,720
I'll bet you feel better
already.
296
00:17:02,722 --> 00:17:06,891
Oh, I really do and mostly because
you guys were there for me.
297
00:17:06,893 --> 00:17:08,692
I'll never be able
to repay you.
298
00:17:08,694 --> 00:17:11,529
Think nothing of it.
We were glad to help.
299
00:17:11,531 --> 00:17:13,630
Oh, I'm glad to hear
you say that
300
00:17:13,632 --> 00:17:17,234
because if I can't sleep tonight,
we might have to do it all over.
301
00:17:25,443 --> 00:17:28,012
So, when I say, "action,"
302
00:17:28,014 --> 00:17:30,714
you pick up the pizza,
taste it and say,
303
00:17:30,716 --> 00:17:32,950
"Mmm, that's
a mighty tasty pizza."
304
00:17:32,952 --> 00:17:36,353
Is everybody ready?
Yeah... uh, one thing.
305
00:17:36,355 --> 00:17:38,856
Do I look at my mother
or at the camera?
306
00:17:38,858 --> 00:17:41,624
Look at the camera,
and here's a little tip.
307
00:17:41,626 --> 00:17:44,261
Look at it like you're
making love to it.
308
00:17:48,700 --> 00:17:52,570
It might help if you give her a
reference she's more familiar with.
309
00:17:52,572 --> 00:17:55,339
OK, this is a rehearsal.
310
00:17:55,341 --> 00:17:58,542
We're gonna run through it once,
and then we'll do it for real.
311
00:17:58,544 --> 00:18:00,444
And... go!
312
00:18:00,446 --> 00:18:04,215
Guess what, Ma. I found you
some real good pizza
313
00:18:04,217 --> 00:18:06,984
like you used to get in Sicily.
314
00:18:11,722 --> 00:18:14,959
Boy, do you stink.
315
00:18:14,961 --> 00:18:19,296
Dorothy, Dorothy, relax.
Just try and be yourself. You can do this.
316
00:18:19,298 --> 00:18:21,398
I'm sorry. I'll get it
this time.
317
00:18:21,400 --> 00:18:24,668
All right, here we go.
Everyone settle.
318
00:18:24,670 --> 00:18:26,837
And... go!
319
00:18:26,839 --> 00:18:31,675
Guess what, Ma.
I've found some real Sicil...
320
00:18:33,744 --> 00:18:35,913
No, that's not it.
What is the line?
321
00:18:35,915 --> 00:18:37,948
"Ma, I found
some real good pizza,
322
00:18:37,950 --> 00:18:40,017
just like you used to get
back in Sicily."
323
00:18:40,019 --> 00:18:42,152
Ah. Sy, now I know
what the trouble is.
324
00:18:42,154 --> 00:18:45,155
There's something wrong with the line.
That's why I can't say it.
325
00:18:45,157 --> 00:18:47,258
Something wrong with the line?
326
00:18:47,260 --> 00:18:49,226
I'm an English teacher.
I should know.
327
00:18:49,228 --> 00:18:52,930
The reason I can't say it is because
the line itself is not grammatical.
328
00:18:52,932 --> 00:18:55,965
See, it should be...
329
00:18:55,967 --> 00:19:00,704
"really good pizza,"
not "real good."
330
00:19:00,706 --> 00:19:05,109
"Perfect pizza with pizazz."
Even better.
331
00:19:05,111 --> 00:19:08,078
Hey, I can act and write!
332
00:19:09,480 --> 00:19:12,382
Gee, I love this business!
333
00:19:12,384 --> 00:19:15,052
You don't mind if I make
the change, do you?
334
00:19:15,054 --> 00:19:16,253
No, not at all.
335
00:19:16,255 --> 00:19:18,822
In fact, I think I want
to make a change, too.
336
00:19:22,127 --> 00:19:24,995
(Sy) OK, Dorothy,
let's see ya smile!
337
00:19:27,566 --> 00:19:29,633
This one's for the camera.
338
00:19:31,536 --> 00:19:34,304
And... action!
339
00:19:34,306 --> 00:19:36,306
Look, Grandma, I've found
you a real good pizza,
340
00:19:36,308 --> 00:19:39,643
just like you used
to get in Sicily.
341
00:19:45,683 --> 00:19:47,618
Mmm...
342
00:19:47,620 --> 00:19:49,353
that's a mighty...
343
00:19:49,355 --> 00:19:53,790
That's a mighty lousy pizza!
344
00:19:54,993 --> 00:19:56,994
Ma, you never tasted it before?
345
00:19:56,996 --> 00:19:58,929
No, and I never will again.
346
00:19:58,931 --> 00:20:01,297
What the hell are you doing?
Sorry, Sy.
347
00:20:01,299 --> 00:20:05,102
You can't pay me enough to
endorse that slime on a shingle.
348
00:20:06,938 --> 00:20:08,972
Ma, this is
a nationwide commercial.
349
00:20:08,974 --> 00:20:11,709
There is a lot of money
involved here.
350
00:20:11,711 --> 00:20:13,977
Sorry. There are two things
a Sicilian won't do -
351
00:20:13,979 --> 00:20:16,980
lie about pizza
and file a tax return.
352
00:20:18,550 --> 00:20:20,217
Forget it, Sy.
353
00:20:25,657 --> 00:20:27,925
Rose, spit it out!
But, Dorothy...
354
00:20:27,927 --> 00:20:29,259
Right now, Rose!
355
00:20:35,500 --> 00:20:37,867
This is Fred Flintstone.
356
00:20:44,476 --> 00:20:49,613
His nose is dissolved, but it's
definitely Fred Flintstone.
357
00:20:49,615 --> 00:20:52,416
They're my vitamins.
358
00:20:52,418 --> 00:20:55,152
I'm sorry I didn't trust you.
Don't apologize.
359
00:20:55,154 --> 00:20:57,754
But I misjudged you, Rose.
No, you didn't.
360
00:20:57,756 --> 00:21:00,757
Here are my pills.
I took one last night.
361
00:21:00,759 --> 00:21:05,195
But, Rose, you got through an entire night without them.
I thought you had it beat.
362
00:21:05,197 --> 00:21:07,031
So did I!
363
00:21:07,033 --> 00:21:10,601
Dorothy, when you were staying up
with me, I felt like I was safe,
364
00:21:10,603 --> 00:21:14,271
that I could rely on your
strength to get me through it.
365
00:21:14,273 --> 00:21:16,774
But, Dorothy,
you're not enough.
366
00:21:16,776 --> 00:21:19,209
These are even stronger
than you are.
367
00:21:19,211 --> 00:21:22,980
Honey, let me call a recovery center.
No, Dorothy.
368
00:21:22,982 --> 00:21:25,816
Listen, this is not
just gonna go away, Rose.
369
00:21:25,818 --> 00:21:28,351
I know.
370
00:21:28,353 --> 00:21:32,021
But I think the first step
is for me to make that call.
371
00:21:45,804 --> 00:21:47,604
Any sign of Rose?
Not yet.
372
00:21:47,606 --> 00:21:49,639
You know, Dorothy,
I'm a little nervous.
373
00:21:49,641 --> 00:21:52,275
Rose was on those pills
for 30 years.
374
00:21:52,277 --> 00:21:55,445
If one month in the hospital
has helped her kick the habit,
375
00:21:55,447 --> 00:21:57,981
she may not be
the same Rose we know.
376
00:21:57,983 --> 00:22:00,784
She may be an entirely
different person.
377
00:22:00,786 --> 00:22:03,653
I know because it
happened to me once.
378
00:22:03,655 --> 00:22:06,523
Before my mama
sent me off to beauty camp,
379
00:22:06,525 --> 00:22:11,361
I was a pencil-thin,
flat-chested, four-eyed nerd.
380
00:22:12,931 --> 00:22:16,600
I don't believe it.
You pencil-thin?
381
00:22:21,905 --> 00:22:23,040
Hi, girls.
382
00:22:23,042 --> 00:22:24,941
Oh, my gosh,
have we missed you!
383
00:22:24,943 --> 00:22:29,279
Oh, Rose! You look wonderful!
Gimme a big hug!
384
00:22:29,281 --> 00:22:33,717
I'm so happy to see you!
Oh, sweetheart!
385
00:22:33,719 --> 00:22:36,019
Oh, Rose!
386
00:22:36,021 --> 00:22:39,055
It just must feel wonderful
bein' cured!
387
00:22:39,057 --> 00:22:41,692
Oh, I'm not cured.
What do you mean?
388
00:22:41,694 --> 00:22:45,828
I'll never be cured, but I know now I
can live without drugs my whole life,
389
00:22:45,830 --> 00:22:48,098
one day at a time.
390
00:22:48,100 --> 00:22:51,368
I'm just glad you got that
monkey off your back.
391
00:22:52,470 --> 00:22:55,706
I never had a monkey
on my back, Sophia.
392
00:22:55,708 --> 00:23:00,277
Although, when I was a child,
I had a chicken named Gordon.
393
00:23:00,279 --> 00:23:04,715
Oh, and what a great chicken!
And he was a great singer, too.
394
00:23:04,717 --> 00:23:06,717
Gordon could cluck the scores
395
00:23:06,719 --> 00:23:08,685
of all the big
Broadway musicals.
396
00:23:08,687 --> 00:23:11,421
I've heard a lot of poultry
do show tunes,
397
00:23:11,423 --> 00:23:14,624
but nobody could
hold a candle to him.
398
00:23:14,626 --> 00:23:18,561
Of course, no chicken likes to
be that near an open flame.
399
00:23:23,434 --> 00:23:25,902
Same old Rose.
Same old Rose.
400
00:23:25,904 --> 00:23:28,237
Oh, anyway, he was
a great entertainer.
401
00:23:28,239 --> 00:23:30,807
We thought for a while
he was a great dancer, too,
402
00:23:30,809 --> 00:23:33,443
till we discovered
he had two left wings.
403
00:23:33,445 --> 00:23:36,379
He'd just shuffle along there.
404
00:23:36,381 --> 00:23:38,414
Oh, how he loved music,
405
00:23:38,416 --> 00:23:42,052
especially Gilbert
and Sullivan. Oh...